#56 - Do A Bunnings DIY Weekend Workshop

I arrive at Bunnings Warehouse, Stafford and the smell of sausage sizzle immediately wafts over as I open the car door.  It's the red carpet arrival for suburban bogans who love to spend Saturday mornings at Bunnings Warehouse.  Even as a recently vegetarian-turned-vegan I can still appreciate and indulge lustfully on the scent of a bar-b-cue. 

I'm right on time for the 11:00am DIY workshop and am warmly greeted by Roger.  We wait until 11:05am but there are no additional participants.  There are 5 of us in the group: a 60-something retired couple, 2x teachers (note to self do NOT tell them you work at the Department of Education should the opportunity of chit chat present itself) and; yours truly.  Roger commences the workshop with a confessin that he is more of a nuts, bolts and carpentry kind of a bloke however he knows vegie gardening basics and will take us to see the crew at the garden centre shortly.

Roger covers Vegie Gardening 101:

• don't plant your vegie garden near any large or competing trees
• water the seeds well for the first few weeks
• when established, give the vegies a good soaking once a week rather than a light sprinkle daily
• if in doubt, read the back of the seed packet.  Yates have a very informative website
• at this time of year you can plant: lettuce, onion, peas, leeks, beetroot, silverbeet, cabbage, asparagus, snow peas, tomato, carrot, cauliflower and strawberries to name but a lot!

Roger takes us to the garden centre and on the way a fellow employee looking astounded stops to excitedly ask Roger if he saw the customer with a parrot on her shoulder.  I chime in with "a bird with a bird!" however my quip is lost on her.  Roger gets it though and I follow up with a remark about a possible new fashion trend.  Roger dryly adds "yeah...the pirate look".  Roger surprises even himself and I laugh genuinely, sincerely.  His punchline was delivered with impeccable comical timing.

We arrive at the garden centre and are introduced to Debbie.  She has a nice English accent.  Not like the Queen but not like Eastenders either.  Somewhere inbetween the two extremes.  Debbie establishes herself as a veritable pundit right from the start, fielding our curiosities and answering each question with sound advice.  

I learned the following:

• the time to plan winter vegies is now or even 2 weeks ago at the start of May
• Debbie's daughters once participated in a pumpkin growing competition and used ullage collected from local pubs as an effective fertiliser
• potatoes in suburban yards are best grown in old dust bins to prevent them from taking over the entire garden
• herbs can be picked from the garden, frozen in a snap lock bag and used in stews, casseroles at a later date
• take most of the old soil out of the garden at the end of the growing season to prevent insects and bugs setting up camp and possibly contaminating the soil and eating all your vegies next season.

We end the DIY session with a little tour of the herbs and vegie seedlings on sale at Bunnings.

After the workshop I decide to linger and take a self-guided tour of the warehouse.  I catch the eye of a bearded employee a little younger than myself.  It's not a bogan beard but a new beard; hip, alternative, trendy.  Hip Alternative Beard says "hello" and smiles as he passes by with a hint of a flirtatious twinkle in his eye much to my pleasure.

I amble around Bunnings for a bit, meandering from timber and wood to self tapping screws, polycarbonate sheeting to drainage pits and note that the stock gets more and more boring the closer you get to the building supplies aisle.  I move from the plastic storage boxes because something catches my eye in the bathroom / plumbing section.  I'm hypnotised by the extensive range of taps.  I also notice that the speakers in this particular section of Bunnings have more clarity and volume than over by the bucket and mop aisle and I bop along to Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lover".  

I'm exhausted at the thought of having to decide between the wide selection of taps and then I remember... I'm not renovating.  My thoughts about exhausting non-existent bathroom projects are interrupted by a friendly "can I help you there?"  It's Hip Alternative Beard. 

 

"No thanks. " I reply, smiling.  "I'm just enjoying this song".  

Hip Alternative laughs.  "Stevie Wonder yeah?"

"Yep.  Stevie Wonder rocks".  

Hip Alternate laughs again and says "well I'll leave you to it" and smiles.  For a split second I see the twinkle in his eye again and I enjoy the brief dalliance.  Could I date a guy who works at Bunnings, I wonder to myself?  Yeah, sure.  Why not? 

Walking around Bunnings I notice that the section with the highest women-to-men ratio is the paint section.  Otherwise the joint is jumping with the Male of the Species and I make a mental note that Bunnings could be one of many establishments where a young lady could meet a potential suitor.  Who needs RSVP.com when you've got Bunnings?  You could pick up some wood the next time you pick up wood!